Why Don’t I Reach Some of My Goals? Clear Rules Give You Direction

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Do you know this feeling? You want to change something in your life, you have set yourself a clear goal, and you actually know exactly what you should be doing. And yet, somehow, it still does not work in the long term.

You want to eat more healthily. You want to move more. You want to study, work, or make progress on a project more regularly. Maybe it works very well for a few days — and then suddenly a situation comes up in which you make an exception.

Why does that happen?

One possible answer is surprisingly simple: Our rules are often not clear enough.

Our Mind Looks for an Easy Solution

If we do not have a clear rule for a certain situation, we automatically start thinking:

What should I do now?

And that is exactly the moment when our mind often comes up with the answer that feels most pleasant or convenient at the time.

That is why it can be very helpful not to keep our rules only vaguely in our heads, but to write them down very clearly.

The clearer the rule is, the less we have to make a new decision in each situation.

The decision has already been made beforehand.

A Goal Is Not Enough — We Need Rules for Different Situations

Let us look at an example.

I want to live more healthily. For me, that includes things such as:

plenty of daily movement,
fresh fruit and vegetables,
dairy products and eggs,
as few carbohydrates as possible, or carefully selected ones.

At first glance, that sounds quite clear.

But what happens on a day when I have several appointments?

Maybe I have lessons, study partnerships, a doctor’s appointment, or a longer drive. Maybe I am driving for several hours from Switzerland to Bavaria.

My first thought might be:

I cannot manage my exercise today. Today just has to be an exception.

But is that really true?

Or do I simply need to plan more precisely?

Turn a Goal into a Concrete Rule

Let us say my goal is:

I walk for about three hours every day.

Then a concrete rule could look like this:

I walk for at least one hour in the morning. If I have not walked another hour by 2 p.m., I do the remaining time in the afternoon or evening.

Suddenly, the situation becomes much clearer.

Someone who works from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m., for example, could walk for one hour in the morning and another two hours after work.

So the movement does not necessarily have to happen all at once.

What matters is that you decide beforehand what happens if the original plan does not work.

What Happens If I Oversleep?

There can be a rule for that too.

Maybe I overslept in the morning. I pressed the snooze button, fell asleep again, and suddenly I have to leave immediately.

Then the morning hour is gone.

Without a clear rule, I might say:

Oh well, it just will not work today.

With a clear rule, however, the answer is:

If I do not walk in the morning, I make up the entire missing time in the afternoon or evening.

There is nothing left to debate.

The rule has already answered the question.

The Weather Needs a Rule Too

Another classic reason for making exceptions is the weather.

It is raining. It is cold. It is windy. Maybe it is especially hot.

You can define a rule for that in advance too:

I go out in all normal weather conditions.

Of course, there can be real exceptions — for example, a severe storm, dangerous hail, or another situation in which it would genuinely be unreasonable to go outside.

But genuine exceptions are different from spontaneous excuses.

That distinction is important.

Rules Can Help with Food Too

The same principle can be applied to eating habits.

Instead of simply saying:

I want to eat more healthily,

you can define much more precisely what that means.

For example:

Which foods do I mainly want to eat?
Which quantities fit into my daily life?
How does movement change my energy needs?
What do I do on days when I move less?
What do I eat when I am out?
What do I do if I do not have time to cook?

Of course, individual energy needs should not simply be copied from a general rule. They need to be adapted to the person, their daily life, health, and activity level.

But the basic idea stays the same:

The more precisely I know beforehand what I want to do in a certain situation, the less likely I am to invent a convenient exception on the spot.

“I’m Too Tired Today” Is Not Automatically a Valid Exception

Tiredness can also become one of those spontaneous exceptions.

Maybe I had planned to go for another walk in the evening. Then I sit at home and think:

I am really tired today. Just for today, I will stay home.

Of course, there are situations in which rest is necessary.

If I am genuinely ill, have a fever, or my body clearly needs recovery, then the situation is different.

But here too, a boundary defined in advance can help.

What counts as a genuine health-related exception for me?

And what is simply lack of motivation, tiredness, or convenience?

The more clearly I define that beforehand, the less I have to debate with myself in the critical moment.

Real Exceptions Remain Real Exceptions

Rules should not make us ignore warning signs from our bodies or behave unreasonably.

If someone is frequently so exhausted or ill that normal daily life is barely possible, the question should not be:

How can I force myself to do it anyway?

In that case, it makes more sense to find out why this keeps happening and, if necessary, seek medical or therapeutic support.

A good rule is therefore not rigid or ruthless.

It distinguishes between a genuine exception and a spontaneous excuse.

Small Everyday Situations Show How This Works

Sometimes, something completely ordinary simply gets in the way.

For example, I once wanted to go for my first hour-long walk and suddenly realized that I urgently needed to use the bathroom first. There was no toilet nearby that I could reach quickly on foot.

So I had to drive somewhere first.

The old way of thinking might be:

Now my plan has failed.

The new way of thinking is:

I take care of what is necessary first, and then I go for my hour-long walk.

The plan is adjusted.

The goal is not abandoned.

That is a major difference.

Rules Are Not a Punishment

Some people experience rules as restrictions at first.

I see them more as support.

A good rule takes decisions off our shoulders.

It gives us direction.

We do not have to ask ourselves over and over again:

Should I go for a walk today?

Should I study today?

Should I work on my project today?

Maybe today is an exception?

The answer has already been decided.

Be Your Own Loving but Consistent Guide

I like to think of this in a similar way to good parenting.

A loving parent does not give a child rules in order to make life difficult.

Rules create safety, direction, and reliability.

As adults, we often have to give ourselves that structure.

We decide:

What is important to me?

Which rules help me with that?

What are the genuine exceptions?

And in which situations have I made an exception even though it was not really necessary?

A Small Exercise

Choose one goal that you have wanted to achieve for a long time.

Then do not just write down the goal. Write down the rules that go with it as well.

Ask yourself:

What do I do on a normal day?
What do I do when I have little time?
What do I do if I oversleep?
What do I do in bad weather?
What do I do when I am out?
What do I do when I am tired?
What is a genuine exception?
Which exceptions have I allowed myself in the past even though they were not really necessary?

That last question in particular can be very revealing.

You may suddenly realize:

I do not need more motivation. I need a clearer rule.

The Rule Is Already the Answer

When our rules are clear, our mind does not need to keep searching for a new answer.

The answer is already there.

We already know it.

The rule is the answer.

It gives us direction when we do not feel like doing something, when the day does not go according to plan, or when our mind starts looking for an easy way out.

And perhaps that is exactly why some changes suddenly become easier:

Not because we became more disciplined overnight.

But because we stopped renegotiating the same decisions every single day.

Get the New Issue of the 365 Steps Online Magazine

Would you like to have the tips from this article in a compact, clear format that you can take with you? Then get the new issue of the 365 Steps Online Magazine in the shop — with short impulses, concrete examples, and practical ideas for everyday life. You will find the link below.

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